August 2017

A month of change.

I have been so focused on raising my children, I have neglected myself and my husband.  This is an easy thing to do.  Children are very demanding.  Your husband is gone for most of the day at work. When he comes home, you have a couple of quiet hours alone and then you go to bed for 6+ hours.  I would say, you get about 2 hours of husband/wife time each night.  But this is often distracted with technology or chores or laziness.  In Germany, it was difficult to go out or find date nights because we didn't have a lot of close friends without children or with older children.  Everyone we knew was in the same stage.  Now we are in San Antonio, and we have friends and we have lots of options for babysitters.

I have been trying to re-discover myself:

I love to dance.  I used to religiously watch Dancing with the Stars every season.  I used to go salsa dancing with my girlfriends in college at a local cafe.  I don't believe I was ever any good, but I loved it.

I wanted to do so many adventurous things when I was growing up.  I wanted to skydive, bungee jump, white water raft, visit the Pyramids, scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef, ride in a hot air balloon, learn how to drive a standard vehicle, move to a foreign country, ect.  Fear took over.  I want to live everyday, like it was the last day of my life.  I do not want to regret anymore.

I have always been self conscious about my body.  Always.  What girl isn't? I have so many moles and so many scars from mole removal and surgeries.  I never appreciated my legs.  I always thought I was doomed to have the "Harris thighs".  My boobs have been turned into hanging mosquito bites after nursing two children.  And my stomach has never been muscular.  I want to change.  I want to quit complaining about what I don't like and fix it.

I love to accomplish a hard/achievable  goal.  I have always dreamed of being a nurse.  I knew BYU had a super hard program and I was determined to be accepted.  I graduated the nursing program with a 3.7 GPA in 2007.  I wanted to be an ICU nurse while I was in the army.  I always admired the nurses that worked in the intensive care unit and was determined to become one.  I worked my way into the unit and was accepted into the Army's ICU nursing program in 2011.  I graduated with highest score of all the ICU students.  I wanted to have a natural birth.  I waited to go into the hospital, until I felt ready, and both my children have been delivered without any medication in 2013 and 2015.  I have always wanted to run a marathon. I trained for one of the hardest marathons- Athens, Greece.  My goal was to complete under 5 hours, I got 4:50!  Right now, I am working on my Masters in Nursing Education.  This is a pretty tough goal, while raising two kids and soon to be working full time.  I am also taking yoga classes, and I have a few hard and achievable goals I hope to accomplish over the next few months.

I love theater.  When I played the piano, I always picked out music to play from musicals.  I loved to watch the movie version of musicals- West Side Story, The Wizard of Oz, Chicago, Hairspray, Grease, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, Annie, The Sound of Music, The King and I.  I was in show choir during high school.  I have never had a passion for acting, but I enjoy watching others showcase their abilities.  I have not been to many musicals- Wicked, Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King Junior.

I love 80's rock n roll.  I just do.  It makes me feel happy.  It could be that I was born in 1984?  I wish I could attend more concerts that play this awesome music!

I used to pamper myself.  I would go to the beauty school and get my hair colored at least twice a year.  I used to fake 'n bake in one of those cooking beds OR bought that lotion that makes you feel orange after you put it on.  I loved following the styles in magazines- heck I just enjoyed looking at fashion or pop culture magazines.  Over the last couple years I rarely got my hair cut or colored, put on make-up, dressed up, or did anything for just me.  Now is my time.

Lastly, money.  I have always been so careful with our money.  And I have no idea why.  I just like watching the number grow larger and larger.  Often, I would forego doing something because of the cost or the risk.  How awful is that!  Again, I want to live everyday like it might be my last- no regrets.  (I promise I will not blow money on stupid things like a Starbuck's coffee every morning or the more expensive brand at the grocery store).

I love my children.  I love my husband.  But, I need to spend a little time on me too.